We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
