ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
