Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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