I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
