Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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