Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
