No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
