I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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