What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
