Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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