Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
