So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize