I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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