Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
