She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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