my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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