SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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