college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
