Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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