you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I didn't notice because vodka
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
