Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
