I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
