Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
