i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
