Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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