last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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