Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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