Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
