Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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