oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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