did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
