the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
