I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
