Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
