The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize