You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
