You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
