We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My hand turned me down
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Randomize
