I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Randomize
