So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
