I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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