just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
