I wish I could punch you in the face.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize