Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We have started to decorate penises.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Randomize
