I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you would pick up someone in the library
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
