i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
