the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
