FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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