when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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