I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
