I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My legs feel like baby dolphins
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
