Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
two words...techno handjob
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
