Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
