we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
