I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
