They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
