Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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