Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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