The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
