Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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