Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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