watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
