it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
