got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
