the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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