What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
