White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
