He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
