But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
