I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I need to calm my uterus...
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
