Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I want a musical about memes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
