I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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