if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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