I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
