I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
