do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
