I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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