I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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